January goes POP!

O M GOSH! What a start to the year it's been!

Last Sunday I was down Canal Street in central Manchester for the first heat of Dragtastic. Arriving at 8pm I found myself in Bar Pop's glamorous cellar bar with five queens half my age and double my looks. But I'm made of tough stuff and after a stern talk with myself in one of the many mirrors about the room I settled in for three hours of chatter and checking my hair before the competition kicked off.

Being a primary school music teacher (part-time) I know all about organising rowdy kids but I didn't realise this extended to queens. Lined up and fully briefed about what we could and could not do, we was gently marched up to a waiting room in single file to be flung out onto the stage every four or so minutes.

The other performers were high kicking, lip sync assassins equipped with angelic vocals and the energy of that Duracell bunny which all of them had probably only ever seen on a retro TV adverts special on Channel 5. So in the slipstream of burlesque performances and acrobatic slut drops I was a bit worried that coming out and telling jokes might throw the audience a bit. 

But it went alright! Better than alright as it turned out 'cos they was loving the puns. A hundred joyous people doing the microwave at midnight was something to behold and when I did my Lady Gaga parody in the second half they all went proper nuts. The judges gave the nicest feedback and I was lost for words, which makes a change.

So I got through to the final. The winner would be decided by lip sync battle. I knew then I was completely up the tea spout given I can barely sync to my own Tiktoks but I held my nerve and listened for the opening of the track.

And I didn't recognise it.

And my worthy adversary did.

A minute in and she was leading hand claps, springing all over the place and miming like a girl possessed.

A minute in I realised the song was that "rolling on the river" thing by Tina Turner.

Which I don't like.

Put simply, it isn't the best.

So I wiggled about a bit like a backup dancer with a wardrobe malfunction and gracefully accepted my runner up position. But I hope to be back because it was well nice and the audience and judges were lovely lovely lovely. I got me a whole stack of new instagrammers and tiktokkers to broadcast to.

It certainly made up for the fact I got 2 hours sleep before a whole day in front of a class...!

THEN I performed in Bolton last night.

To 12 people.

Who were real nice.

But it was a bit of a reality check.

ONWARDS!